Jim Rohn ► now here’s a few more things on
communication one is to have something good to say and number two is to say it
well now here’s number three this is where some people now start to lose it
and that’s to read your audience if you’re talking to a child you got to
read is we have that expression right do you read me so if a child now is
listening you need to know whether or not they read you are you getting it if
you’re talking to a large audience you need to know if they’re getting it I had
some trouble with us now in the beginning because I used to just lecture
with all my notes and just keep on going I think in those early days some of the
audiences could have left right and I would have just you know kept right on
going it took me a while to look up and see what’s happening do I need to slow
down do I need to speed up do I need to get a
little softer should I save that for some other time is this a little too
strong for now you get that by reading your audience what’s happening I remember the first time I spoke to
10,000 Zig Ziglar was along Zig Ziglar and Paul Harvey and dr. norman vincent
peale this is a long time ago back in those early days and I think we were in
Kansas City 10,000 had never spoken to 10,000 people before in my life Wow Zig
said to me Jim Rohn you’d better be good can you better watch what’s happening
because when 10,000 people turn on you you’re in trouble I thought whoa so this
time when I’m up there lecturing I’m looking in the balconies right I’m
looking everywhere to see if it’s going okay going I never forget that
experience so if you got this now you’ve got to read the face of a child you’ve
got to read what’s happening so you’ll know how to proceed so now let me give
you three ways to read here’s the first one you read what you see pick up the
signals you can see if you’re talking to somebody that got
their arms crossed like this and their chin tucked down and they’re frowning
hey this one looks like you’ve got you’ve got your work cut out for you
this one’s not going to be easy so we pick up those signals by where we see
somebody’s leaning toward the door that means you gotta hurry they’re not going
to be here long so we pick up what we see now here’s the second one we pick up
what we hear mama said to me if you want to be a good speaker you have to be good
listener if you want to communicate well with someone you talk let them talk you
talk to the pintuck talk in fact mama said with two ears and one mouth you
should listen twice as much as you talk so listening helps you to pick up the
signals with the same next you listen to someone’s comments and then you answer
the question really continue the conversation so we pick up what we see
second we pick up what we hear now here’s the third one that’s a little
mysterious you’ve got to pick up what you feel here’s another place where
women have it a little over the men because they learn to pick up these
emotional signals where a man might ignore a woman seems to sense it women
have this incredible antenna they pick up everything
especially danger women are so beautiful I think that was way back Papa’s off
providing Mama’s home protecting and she learned to recognize the sound she
learned to recognize when there might be danger so she developed these incredible
instincts women hamon men can learn it takes a little more for us to learn that
women seem to have it built even in the middle of the night the baby cries
Mama’s awake Papa sleep mother’s sleep near the surface waiting for the least
in the Sun or in the middle of the night she nudges her husband says go look go
look at somebody’s bright he said I’m telling you everything’s ok she says go
look he says ok he gets out of bed stumbles down stairs the front door is
open how did she know they just interesting analogy in the Bible here’s
what it said there are shepherds and there are sheep and there are wolves
pretty standard right so you got to make the note Shepherds sheep and wolves sheep you’ve got to look out for the
wolves Shepherds got to be careful keep the Wolves from getting the sheep but
that’s not the end of the story here’s what it says you got to be so careful
because some wolves have learned to dress up now you need a woman man says looks like a sheep talks like a
sheep woman said ain’t no sheep I don’t know how they know when I was putting
some enterprises together years and years ago when I was interviewing
someone to be part of the enterprise I used to have woman Cydia that worked
with me and when the interview was over I knew what I heard and I knew what I
saw but I would ask her but how did you feel she would say hey I felt good now I
didn’t always take him into account but I never left it out well she would say
something something something women know this something something tells me
something what is that I don’t know but here’s what it can be very useful never
ignore it now men can learn to pick up these emotional signals signals that
tell you you shouldn’t talk this harsh you should back off a little bit yes
there are some things you should come on strong but I’m telling you a component
this is part of what we all can pick up the emotional signals so number one have something good to say
number two say it well number three learn to read your audience now here’s
number four the fourth key to good communication is intensity the power of
your emotion because there’s certainly a difference in intellect and emotion but
here’s the key they must work together the intellect the language and the
emotion now the question always comes and some
of this you have to decide you know in sort of a split second how much emotion
so jot this down enough emotion to fit the occasion enough emotion to fit the
occasion or enough emotion to fit the point you don’t need a major explosion
for a minor point some kids have an honest beef by saying you make too big a
deal out of a little deal this is good for parents to learn leave a little deal
as a little deal don’t make a big deal out of a little deal because that’s too
confusing now if it is a big deal you make it a big deal but if it’s a little
deal that’s too much emotion that’s too much sometimes to handle making such a
big deal so this emotional content now in what you say is very important
because the emotion is so powerful in fact it’s the emotion that drives the
language that speech to the heart and the mind and so it’s the emotion that
drives the language to speak to the heart it said on the day the Christian
Church was started the magnificent sermon was preached to it multitude huge
crowd of people and it said some that heard this fabulous presentation were
smitten they were hit by the message they were hit by the words it
got’em sword the words me that but it’s lights grabbed your consciousness and
shakes it up drives it to your heart you say whoa yes but the key is you have to
use it wisely not over use prop reduce words are like a little straight pin I
buy a shirt right it’s got all these little pins so you take these pins up
what if I took one of those little straight pins and I threw it at you and
that little straight can hit you in the face or hit you you’d feel it but what
if I took that little straight pin and wired it to the end of an iron bar about
this little and let you have it see I can drive the pin through your heart so
make the note now the pin is the words the iron bar is the emotions talk about
effective if you learn not to just use your language but if you learn to use
your emotions you’re effectively so multiplied by two men three movement an
emotion makes all the difference in the world in the world he measured emotions with well-selected
that’s what’s measured no too much we say don’t shoot a cannon at a rabbit
that’s too much firepower it’s effective but you got no more rabbit one of my speaker friends and you should
have been there the other day I blew them all away I said oh no where are
they now you blew em all that’s not necessary now too little emotion when a actor on
the stage or in the movies they have to miss a good script with properly
measured English not too much to look ridiculous for the pointer for the
occasion and not too little to lose the effect you say wow this is a pretty good
art to learn it is and guess how often we’re faced with what to say and how
much emotion to put into what everything now next let’s talk now about being
effective in what we call tools of less these are highly emotional tools and if
you’re skillful they can be very useful but you’ve got to underline the word
last tools of last resort when we’re dealing with problems and challenges
when we’re dealing with opportunity and promise and future sometimes we have to
use these tools of last resort not to be used unless there’s like no hope left
and this is the only thing left old Joe Kennedy taught his son John a key phrase
it can be used so many ways I want you to jot it down and then we’ll go through
it here’s what old Joe taught John if it is not necessary to change it is
necessary not to choke it is not necessary to change it’s necessary not
to change now the key is also with these tools of last resort if it’s not
necessary to use these tools of last resort it is necessary not to use these so now let’s talk about tools of last
resort here’s number one you’re tempted now there are occasions and it’s okay to
lose your temper I mean it’s because there’s no hope left the only way to
correct the situation perhaps is to just let it all go home but here’s the key to
temper not every day and not all day as a tool of last last last resort you
might resort to your tune there’s only two or three occasions recorded to where
Jesus lost his cool just two or three but when he did the day he don’t like to
come at you grab the whip and drove them all out of the temple and took it over
the tables and the money scattered everywhere it so did the people and he
cleaned house but not justanna two or three occasions he used
some anybody would use that language would fear for your life but you didn’t
use it every day didn’t use it on every occasion because he talked to little
children then he lost the full range of a movie
gentle with the children when the occasion called for so we got that now
tools of last tempers one if it is not necessary to lose your temper it is
necessary not to lose moving on to next a direct attack where you go after
someone directly usually to solve a problem we go in directly then we tell
you about the men who said it was gonna be okay it wasn’t ok here’s what I told
him and he ignored me here’s what happened to it now you’re trying to get
this message across to somebody you’re talking to but instead of telling them
directly you use the illustration here’s what we call it third party rather than
direct sometimes you use third party to talk about something that you don’t want
to be so confrontational to someone you talk about someone that you’ve had this
occasion to talk with this particular problem here’s how we solved here’s what
happened but then sometimes it’s called for direct she’s got to be very here’s why
emotional highly charged emotional conversation deals with matters of the
heart when you deal with matters of the heart you gotta be able to manage even
if the heart needs an operation if you were about to go under to have a heart
operation and you heard the doctor say hand me the hatchet you’d come awake so
make this note now you can’t you can’t operate on the heart with a hatchet and
you get ready to operate on the emotions and the heart and the spirit and the
soul you got to be very very very very cute next scolding you got to be very careful of
scolding because it is so highly emotionally charged especially in public
that’d be very good somebody walks in late you say where have you been see
that’s lowly you wouldn’t want to do that unless it happened so often and
there was no other hope to correct the situation to blurt out something like
that but on the first occasion no you find other ways but as a tool of last
resort you could use school you’ve got to be careful in scolding your tool
only when it’s totally necessary and called for what if you scolded your
children all day long all day long all day long here’s what scolding does it
sort of cuts to get somebody’s attention now the cut will heal and make you meet
him to cut somebody to get their attention
now you can cover the matter and it’s okay and define date someday it’ll be
forgotten but if you did it some parents scold their children all day and come
and yes it may heal but who knows what psychic scars may be left by being
slashed every day cut every day cut down every day so have you underlined it now
tools of last resort to school some things are too severe some language is
too severe causes more harm some punishments are necessary but we
consider some punishments a little too severe
in some countries if you steal they will cut off your hand and we say maybe a
little piece of the finger maybe but you know not the whole but it is effective you saij ever steal
anything else he said you kiddin with one hand I mean hit oh my stealing days
are over but now remember now jot this down now severity only when it’s called
for severity only one that’s called for not to be used recklessly because you’ve
got the ability to talk and use it to save it to save it to save them if mama
screams all day see it finally used loses its effectiveness kids learn to
just tolerate it someone comes to visit and they say don’t mind mama she’s just
a screaming red she just screams on it see now it’s lost its effectiveness and
now it could be tragic the little three-year-old is headed for the street
and a truck is coming and mama screams everybody ignores it if mama Said’s up
her scream so the day she screams the world stops and everybody around their
blood turns to ice water because she saved it up and used it as a tool of isn’t this helpful now chop this down
the more you care the stronger you can be when it comes to him for strength and
power and maybe temper and maybe using tools of Lester’s here’s where they can
be useful is if you really the more you care the stronger you can be all of us
will allow somebody to really get on our case if we know they really care but if
we don’t think they’re they care really care we would resist all efforts to
browbeat it so to do some things as a tool adventures only if somebody really
cares I don’t mind a minister consigning my soul to Hellfire for my influence
I don’t mind as long as he doesn’t with tears and not with enjoy wouldn’t we all
resist a dry-eyed sermon on Hellfire you can’t preach health air for human beings
unless you sob and the tears flow but if you preached Hellfire for human beings
with dry eyes and your heart wasn’t broken all of us would dismiss that
sermon as a performance there are some conversations you cannot have with your
children – the tears flowing otherwise the conversation doesn’t make sense but
you can be you