So, i have some bad news, my friends… It appears that I’ve developed a bit of an addiction. Yes… for the past several weeks i have been… Recklessly spending all of my money … ON E-BAY BIDS All right! Here we are! We gotta get to my watch list! *this is the joke* *obligatory career reconsideration Iron Man Lego? BUY IT NOW Sample clip only put on to make their listing appear in the bottom of searches? Uh, i’m gonna say… BUY IT NOW E-Bay is your one-stop shop for ALL used underwear. Six piece set truck vehicle mini pullback model movable racer child toy? BUY IT NOW Oh god, these fisting fascism mugs are actually extremely rare. They’re very hard to find. Five random remote controls!!! OH HELL YES!!! oh my god… Look at you Aren’t you a beauty? burp You’re goin’ in MY house… Jumbo sensory set of five simply add water. Sounds like something I need. Hey, you know I’ve been looking for a new radio from my bedroom! An N scale porta potty that… that goes with train sets. I don’t… I don’t own any train sets, and I have no need for an N-Scale out-house toilet… That’s gonna. Be that big anyways Disney noooooo I am disgusted about how people can call Pepe racist when he has been on the front lines of the civil rights movement from the very beginning! A Bernie Sanders… fake dollar bill… IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM! A six-year-old reddit account with no Karma and no linking email for around $17 I hear you, man. I hear you I think I’ll make an offer on this for just about how much it’s actually worth. Someone’s selling seeds from giant watermelons. I don’t think that’s how that works, and more importantly hundreds of people have bought into this! Man, if i wanted to hear about FNAF fan-fiction I’d go watch the game theorists. Now THIS is the golden stuff of eBay just… just knockoff pre ewdiepie merch That’s not what we’re looking for that’s the shit we’re looking for right there Fuck dude. That’s a steal. That’s a fucking steal of that. I think I’m gonna go Get me some some fucking some fucking PewDiePie merch dude hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah, HELL YEAH Hell Yeah, dude. Fuck yes. Hey cool, a transformer that turns into a forklift. Hey, cool a transformer that turns into a lawnmower . When did these character’s stop having noses? I’ve been told that this character is from the best Macross anime HOLY FUCKING SH… OK, when am I ever gonna be in a situation… Where I don’t need six monopoly junior cars making an offer… You know I really need right now? Ah, look at that shit right there. That’s, fucking, exactly what i’m lookin’ for. Hell yeah Ah man, I’ve always wanted to have a vintage decorative black Bill Murray plate in my house What is this and why is it worth fifty five dollars? Odd parents, fairly odd parents. *mumbles rest of words* Oh God. Oh, Jesus. What is this? HELLO YOU BEAUTIFUL BITCH! spider-man green face, man Infinite Iron God Should get one of them? All of them all of the most offensive figures throughout all of human history: Adolf Hitler Osama bin Laden A… a clown Weird Al from that scene in UHF where he’s killed by the boulder. I’ve discovered pure perfection… The question is… should I save purchasing it for a more special event? You can buy… an action figure Of a tired old Japanese man. Oh, this should be a comedy gold mine right here. You know what? I’m not really sure what I expected. “Hillary Clinton is smarter than you… So stop talking”… Wow… This would go great with my John McCain shirt! This is probably fake, but hey if Meryl Streep’s name isn’t it I have to buy it! She’s a national treasure now, apparently. You know what people have been telling me to check out Judo Joe’s bizarre adventure. It’s a dead meme dead mean dead meme in the house oh I could order a fake play button and then do a video of pretending that it’s actually real to celebrate some sort of extremely small goal. No one’s ever done that joke before… USED KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN BUCKETS! OH… am I really good enough to be served owning such a rare historical item oh Livios A Sto… *moans Holy shit! An autographed Geraldo Rivera picture! Oh my god. Oh my god I got got a stop calm down make an offer for this… A 1991 “Back to the future: the animated series” Doc Brown Time Machine DeLorean gReAt ScOtT! Some say the legend 27 was the first eBay listing of all time… A picture of pewdiepies 50 million subscribers award! These go for as high as $1,000 on this site! This is… exactly what I remember Smosh being like. This is the ugliest God Damn thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life… BUY IT NOW A future car, eh? kinder egg? 99 cents! I’ll make an offer! Yeah, kind of disappointed to be honest. miniature boat? BUY IT NOW Mini Bible necklaces? Oh, you… you know I’m into that! Yukon Cornelius? BUY IT NOW A charger for a phone I don’t have? Oh… you know i’m gonna get in on THIS sale RIGHT NOW! I don’t know what this books about but it’s got me hooked. I don’t know why… Oh Shit! This is exactly what I need! Can you imagine all the fun that we would have Building our own toy rock garden. I wonder if they have this in my size… $1.35 for a Drake Bell CD Do you think that I was born yesterday? These scalpers honestly just ruined the eBay experience… NEW: “How to get girls or how to stop being dumb with women” by : A Gay Mann Not a man who is gay… First Name: Something that starts with “A” Middle Name: Gay Last Name: Mann, with two “N’s” ugh, I’m really just pushing myself to the limit. I mean, let’s be real. I’m never gonna use this shit. I don’t know why I keep buying it Fuck dude, what am I doing with my life? Why am I just doing… Why do I just keep buying this stuff that I’m never gonna use… Just impulsively, which is a word I use a lot, but I mean it this time. Impulsively, and essentially because I feel like I need it when realistically I don’t because… This is an eBay listing… FOR NOTHING Absolutely NOTHING! Someone is selling NOTHING on eBay! I’M IN! Fuckin… 18 cents Fuckin… 22 cents They’re trying to make this fucking game, I’m gonna make a fucking game. I promise you that because I’m fucking winning this! *Quinton is very passionate about his charitable donations* Oh Honeybuns! You aren’t prepared for the wrath I’m about to unleash on your ass. Bitch bitch get out of the kitchen if you can’t stand the heat cuz I ain’t fucking taking this shit home with me. OH HONEY! That’s it you pushed me to the edge my friend. You pushed me right to the FUCKIN EDGE! That was too easy That was too fucking easy That motherfuckers trying to trick me it’s what’s happening right here! He’s trying to make me let my guard down. Because I’m not gonna be here. I’m gonna forget about this and at 10:50 p.m. tomorrow… I’m gonna forget about this. He’s gotta fucking snap you back from me.. I’m not about to let that fucking happen! Now let’s fuckin see who wins this bid you son of a bitch. Fucking come at me. I will fuck you up for life. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this yet, but I already have like 15 of these.