– CAN I ASK Y’ALL A QUESTION? SURE. IT’S MY SHOW. WHAT AM I ASKING YOU FOR? HOW MANY OF YOU
ARE SHOPAHOLICS? [cheers and applause] – GREAT, MAKE SURE YOU STOP BY
THE ELLEN SHOP ON THE WAY OUT. I THINK WE’RE ALL SHOPAHOLICS
THIS TIME OF YEAR, AND IT’S NOT OUR FAULT. STORES HAVE A LOT OF TRICKS
UP THEIR SLEEVE TO GET US TO SPEND MORE MONEY. THEY LURE US IN
WITH ALL KINDS OF GREAT DEALS, AND THEN THE SECOND
YOU WALK INTO THE STORE, SOMEONE SPRAYS YOU IN THE EYE
WITH PERFUME SO YOU’RE ALL DISORIENTED AND YOU END UP BUYING
THE CLOSEST THING TO YOU, WHICH HAPPENS TO BE
A VERY EXPENSIVE GUCCI BAG. [laughter] AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT
PORTIA SAID HAPPENED. [laughter] [mouthing words] AND STORES ALWAYS WIN US OVER WITH THOSE MAGICAL WORDS
THAT NO ONE CAN RESIST: “FREE SHIPPING.” OH, BOY. WHEN I HEAR “FREE SHIPPING,” I HEAR AN ANGELS CHOIR
IN MY MIND. AND IT’S–THEY TEASE US WITH THESE BUY ONE,
GET ONE FREE SALES. RIGHT? OH. THAT–BECAUSE, YOU KNOW–
DON’T FALL FOR IT. THE LAST TIME
I WAS IN A STORE AND THEY– THERE WAS A CANOE,
AND IT SAID, “BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE,” AND I THOUGHT, “WELL,
I DON’T NEED A CANOE, BUT HOW CAN I TURN DOWN
TWO CANOES?” [laughter] I AIN’T NO DUMMY. SINCE IT’S SO EASY TO OVERSPEND,
I THOUGHT I’D SHARE A FEW HELPFUL TIPS
ON HOW TO SAVE MONEY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. TIP NUMBER ONE:
IF YOU HAVE A HARD TIME CONTROLLING YOURSELF,
LEAVE YOUR CREDIT CARDS AT HOME. BRING SOMEONE ELSE’S
CREDIT CARDS TO THE STORE. [laughter and applause] TIP NUMBER ONE. TIP NUMBER TWO: STORES PUT
THEIR MOST TEMPTING DISPLAYS ON EYE LEVEL. THAT’S A LITTLE TRICK THAT– SO AVOID THAT
AND WALK IN STILTS. IF YOU CAN BRING IN, LIKE,
REALLY TALL STILTS– MAKE SURE THERE’S HIGH CEILINGS. REMEMBER, THE HOLIDAYS AREN’T
ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU SPEND. IT’S ABOUT HOW MUCH PEOPLE
SPEND ON YOU. [laughter] GET YOUR DOLLAR BILLS READY, ‘CAUSE I’M ABOUT TO DANCE.